Decision Making for Children

By Trish-Ellen Jackson and Kai Crooks-Chissano

As a parent or caregiver, you want to know the best ways to support your child through the complex and often stressful process of decision-making—a crucial skill that will serve them well into adulthood. Beyond daily choices like what to wear, eat, or think, your child makes or will make more significant decisions that require careful thought and consideration. How do you handle decision-making? How do you think your child approaches it? Do they avoid it, make sudden choices, or take their time? Do they consider who will be affected by their decisions, such as family and friends? Being an adolescent or pre-adolescent is challenging, and your child is now at an age where independent thinking is essential.

Here are practical tips and talking points to discuss with your child. Both of you will benefit from these insights, which are inspired by key moments in South Africa’s history when young people made impactful decisions that shaped their futures. Talk with your child about the importance of thoughtful decision-making, and encourage them to contribute their perspectives while you model problem-solving. Teach them the following:

1. Take time to reflect.
   Give yourself some grace and space to think carefully before making a decision. Rushed decisions can lead to regret.
   • Question prompt: How can taking a moment to think change the outcome of your decision?
   • Example: Reflect on how the leaders of the 1956 Women’s March in South Africa took time to plan and consider the best course of action, which led to a successful protest.

2. Recognise that not deciding IS a decision.
   Every choice, even inaction, has an impact. Choosing not to decide is also a decision, one that has its own consequences, good or bad.
   • Question prompt: What might happen if you choose not to make a decision?
   • Example: Think about the students during the 1976 Soweto Uprising. They could have chosen to stay silent, but they decided to march for their right to better education. Their decision to take action shaped the future of the country.

3. Set a deadline.
   Establish a definitive time and date when the decision should be made. This prevents procrastination and ensures decisions are timely, and you stay on track.
   • Question prompt: What is a reasonable deadline for making this decision?
   • Example: The students who participated in the Soweto Uprising had to decide when to act. Setting a deadline for action helped them organise effectively.

4. Separate emotions from decisions.
   Separating emotions from decisions is not easy for most children, and it will take time to to master. Keeping your emotions in check can lead to better outcomes and help you focus on what you want to accomplish with your decision.
   • Question prompt: How can you make sure emotions don’t control your decisions?
   • Example: In the 1956 Women’s March, 20,000 women peacefully protested against the pass laws. They delivered a petition to the prime minister at the Union Buildings, demanding an end to the pass laws; but he and his officials refused to meet them. The women left large bundles of petitions with thousands of signatures outside his office. Then the crowd stood in silence for 30 minutes before singing “Nkosi Sikeleli Afrika” as they departed.

5. Consider the consequences.
   All decisions come with consequences. Think about the possible outcomes of your decisions, and strategise accordingly. A wrong decision can change your life.
   • Question prompt: What could happen as a result of this decision, and are you prepared for that?
   • Example: Before the Soweto Uprising, the students likely considered the consequences of their actions. While they knew there were risks, they also understood the potential for positive change.

6. Include family input.
   Some decisions should involve the family, and making decisions together can strengthen family bonds. (Make sure to listen to and acknowledge their input as this empowers them in their decision-making process.)
   • Question prompt: How can you involve everyone/or certain members in the family when making a decision that affects all of us?
   • Example: During the 1956 Women’s March in South Africa, women united to protest against the pass laws that impacted their families. Their collective decision led to significant changes.

7. Prioritise family commitments: Your  first commitment is to the family, which is your primary “team.”  Think about how your choices align with family values.

• • Question Prompt: How does/would this decision impact our family?
  • Example: The decisions made by the leaders of the 1956 Women’s March were driven by their commitment to their families and communities.

Helping your child develop decision-making skills prepares them to think critically and make informed choices that positively impact their future. Just as the students of the Soweto Uprising and the women of the 1956 March made decisions that shaped South Africa’s future, your child can learn to make choices that shape their own path.

Trish-Ellen Jackson is a Human Services Counselling Specialist who has worked for over a decade with trauma clients, at-risk youth, and youth not in Education, Employment, or Training (NEETs) from diverse socio-economic backgrounds. She uses behaviour change, risk assessment, and crisis intervention methodologies, along with trauma-informed approaches, to build positive coping strategies with youth, manage stress, and foster life skills.

Kai Crooks-Chissano is the Executive Director of Camp I Am, a life skills education program for pre-adolescent and adolescent learners (www.campiam.co.za). She is also a researcher focused on using drama and storytelling to teach primary school children.